When I was a little girl, it was about being good.
When I was a teenager, it was about being tough.
When I was in my twenties, it was about being free.
Now, in my thirties, I want to be brave.
That’s why I’m going back to school to complete my Design/Business Degree and officially get my shit together.
I’ve been a freelance stylist, designer, writer, dance teacher, sales associate, cashier, tanning salon assistant, receptionist, dog walker YOU NAME IT! (My husband & I counted all the jobs I’ve had one drunken night…22 altogether! jeeez!)
The short of it is, I made a decision years ago to opt out of college to simply explore. (ah, youth…) When I decided to return to school (after 5 years of zero academia life!) I had to deal with the all too familiar struggle of working full time to pay the bills while trying to be a dedicated student. In addition, I have an annoying, perfectionist, go-getter internal monologue constantly reminding me to conquer whatever insanely high standard I decided to push on myself that week. I’m ridiculous. I know.
This all built up inside and consequently, I left my fight to earn my degree. I felt defeated and kind of scarred from the whole experience. Maybe I wasn’t good enough, smart enough or worse… maybe it was just …too late.
Eventually, I filed the whole experience away as a goal I once had. But now…I’ve been struggling to write. Struggling to locate my passion. Struggling to just, be happy. Honestly, I’ve been feeling disenchanted with a lot of things recently but, specifically the lingerie industry. I won’t digress into my exact issues with the industry but needless to say this malaise toward lingerie bummed me out.
Why wasn’t I getting the butterflies in my stomach bringing back a new lingerie set? Why didn’t I want to geek out over the new collections? Why wasn’t I beaming with pride that my lingerie was being embraced as a legitimate niche in high fashion?
I took some time to dig through this “bummed out” mood and whattya know? I bumped into that pesky goal I thought was dormant. I also bumped into a hard reality. After so many years of effort I was professionally still in the same place.
Years of quality “on-the-job” experience, a positive “can do” attitude and a head full to creative ideas and everything is still the same ?? Could this be true? Well, yea. I feel the same overworked exhaustion in my body. I feel the same dulled spirit from being quieted while working for someone else on their dream. Lastly, I feel the same continuous burning desire to express myself on my own terms.
I’ve always wanted to work for myself in a creative field. This has always been my intention. But, the funny thing about intention is…it does nothing. I indulge in gathering my intentions together and line them up all shiny and new like lil’ tin soldiers of aspirations. Then…there they are, just staring at me. There I am, staring at them. There we are …in a Life long staring contest! This usually doesn’t last too long before I throw my hands in the air and give up but, not Today. Nope.
Enough is enough.
So what does this mean? A couple things:
- I will no longer be working full time as a Professional Bra Fitter in a brick and mortar lingerie store. Instead, I will be taking appointments for Personal Bra Fittings, Wardrobe Organization and always Boudoir Styling. You can visit my Contact page or just send me DM on Instagram @fulltimelingerie for more detail.
- Expect to see some FTL merchandise on the site THIS MONTH (yay!)
- Last but not least, to chronicle what is sure to be an…er- interesting twist in my life I’ll be updating a new page on the FTL blog called: The Neophyte Experience
Classes start January 18th sooooo stay tuned!