Ask me about lingerie and I can teach you how to properly measure yourself at home, show you how to choose a bra to compliment your unique décolletage, curate the styles you need to create the perfect top drawer (in your budget!) for dressing with ease and diversity. Among many other useful intimate apparel facts, I can even educate you on why lingerie is so expensive.
But, ask me about the Life in Lingerie and the conversation is far more interesting.
So, go ahead….
Being a Bra Fitting Specialist was never my dream. I never set out to care about Lingerie the way I do today. So, How the hell did I get here?!?
My first passion is movement. I trained as a classical dancer to the professional level and moved to New York to put my years of work to the test. Fast forward 4 years and I was left with a slew of great independent dance work, nagging hip and knee injuries and a still vacant hole where I should have felt accomplishment and contentment. Upon discovering this hole, I did what I am notorious for. I totally withdrew and went on a search for more. (I literally stopped typing to claw at the air while saying, ‘MORE!’)
‘More of what?’, you ask….
At the time, I had no clue. But I trusted my Intuition to alert me when I was close. Kind of like playing HOT/COLD with Destiny (which I -err- do not recommend for all people, it can be a bumpy bumpy ride…)
What I found was this: an Open Sales Position for one of the Foremost Luxury Lingerie Brands in the World and a Downtown New York Style Icon for a manager….sooo yeeaa…..I was listening to that beesch, Intuition.
The *brief history (*pun always intended) of my arrival to Lingerie is to stress that my intrigue with intimate apparel is far beyond the sum of its parts. Although I can spend my whole life worshipping at the alter of finery, it has been the impactful lessons I have learned about others from others that has made me fall in love with this niche corner of fashion.
You are Worth the Time & Effort.
I hear one, or all, of these phrases everyday: ‘You probably don’t have my size.’ ‘I’m a weird size.’ ‘Oh no, I can’t wear this stuff ‘
..and ya’ know what? I totally get it. For so long, the Industry has taught you to believe that Baywatch Pam Anderson was a DD , you need a specialty store for negligees above size 4 and the fact that you are not a sample model size makes you, weird. I’m here to dispel all of that bull.
The Lingerie Industry is far beyond the Victoria’s Secret Angels and there are a plethora of brands that offer a gorgeous bra in your size and in your budget.You simply have to approach the experience with positive vulnerability. Your Bra Fitter knows how to lead you through that maze if you just let your guard down and allow them to guide you.
Personally, when I approached the fitting experience from this direction, my deeper issue of believing I wasn’t worth the time to thoughtfully build a top drawer, began to crumble. The cornerstone of that negative thought was this:
‘If I am unattached, what’s the point of buying lingerie?’
Which is giving up the power to even dress myself. I needed the permission of a“special occasion”, always on the horizon like a mirage, or the validation of someone else in my life in order to shop for lingerie. Almost instantaneously to being led to the Fitting Room (with terrible lighting, always, ugh!) I would be confronted with a film reel of all my failed relationships while my internal monologue was screaming,”Crystal, how foolish of you to even be shopping for this!”
It took me becoming a Bra Fitter and trusting in the wonderful Women who have mastered the craft (many grappling with my same issues) to guide me to the place of acceptance that I am worth the time & effort it takes to feel unstoppable everyday. Not just for a special occasion.
All Men/Women are Not Dogs/Bitches.
I know I am guilty of discreetly making snap judgments and spinning relationship horror stories in my mind at a clients request for two drastically different sized negligees, wrapped in two separate boxes with a little sticker on the bottom of just one as an indicator…
‘Infidelity!’, I scream,‘NOOO!’
Of course, being in the Industry a decade those stories are bound to show up but honestly, they are rare and far between. For the most part, I help Men and Women who simply want to make their lover feel special and don’t want to get it wrong.
‘I want her/him to feel comfortable’, ‘Is that something she/he would like?’, ‘I just want her to feel beautiful’, ‘I just want him to feel special…’
These are not phrases from people with hardened hearts, these are my customers.
Everyone giggles when you say Nipple.
So loosen up! To kind of piggy back off of the previous revelation, you have to remember: it’s just panties.
At the end of the day if you get the size, color or just plumb all of it wrong it shouldn’t matter.
The intention of taking the time from your day to thoughtfully choose a completely unnecessary garment simply to give your Lover the experience of feeling a little closer to the God or Goddess you see them as….thats the special occasion, not the panties.
No one knows what a Man/Woman wants, so stop trying.
This one is a favorite of mine because it reminds me of those moments when I’m looking for my favorite sunnies all over the house just to realize they were on my head
The. Whole. Entire. Time.
On the daily I get asked variations of these two questions: ‘Do Men/Women like this?’ and ‘What is the top product Men/Women buy?’ My answer is always the same: ‘It varies.’ That’s no bull either. I have never found a magic bra, panty or dildo that is the definitive answer to everything a Man and Woman could desire. I just haven’t, sorry.
But what I have found is, If you can completely surrender yourself to the fitting experience (read: voice your needs/wants but trust your Fitter to guide you there) and let yourself sincerely choose the garment that makes room for your confidence to shine (read: do not try to simply copy what a model/celebrity/anyone is dictating)
If you can do this, then it doesn’t matter what amount of lace and silk you wrap yourself in because that glow of Sincere Confidence is the sexiest damn thing you’ll ever wear and you had it inside you
The. Whole. Entire. Time.
Although I had no hand in planning to be a Bra Fitter, it’s taught (and is still teaching) me so much about others.
Most notably, its taught me that everyone wants to feel important, heard and cared for.
Resources: The Guardian; Buzzfeed; TedTalks; The Lingerie Addict; Huffington Post