The First..

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I began the task of trying to remember when my First exposure to lingerie was and it was not as easy as I initially thought…

The issue is, much like when I’m reading my horoscope, looking at the past feeds my desire to dig up otherwise insignificant details and inflate them to the big ‘D’ Destiny status. That’s how I tag them in my memory bank.

(Before scooting them to future Grandchildren cautionary/epic/bragging/sad/funny/insane/improbable stories that will probably impress/bore/excite/nauseate/question/exhaust them as planned all along.)

Big ‘D’ Destiny moments are when you feel you have found moments in your Past that serve as clues to help answer Present questions like, “Why do I have a passion for designing and discussing lingerie and all the possible facets of its effect on Womanhood and my personal history?” Jeesh-loaded question huh?

The sad truth is…………

I cannot actually pinpoint my“A-Ha” moment of when I crossed over from normal observer-of-matching-panties-to-bra to full-on-obsessive-consumer-of-all-lacy-whips-fetish-lingerie. I don’t have a moment. My own moment. It simply does not exist. I have searched and searched but cannot conjure a Single. Friggin’. Moment.

This, of course made me feel like a total Fulltime Lingerie –gasp!–Poser.  I mean, what kind of an addict am I? The one who cannot remember the actual point of addiction?! Or worse, the one that doesn’t even have one! Sadly, I am left without an enthralling, life altering, witty story like all my Lingerie Life girlfriends who share my lascivious passion. This led me to question my shallowness: Do I really just like this because it’s pretty & shit? I mean, because it is but… is it that simple? There has to be more to the thing I’ve allowed to take the wheel of my career, right? Right?!

Several chocolate & wine nights later…

EUREKA!  I have located a major influence! In my opinion, an influence is different from a moment. A moment has so much content in so little time. It isn’t until later that you acquire the tools, or the right therapist, to stop time and take apart all the content involved in the one moment.

On the other hand, an influence enters your life and simply won’t let go of your attention. It sticks with you.

My first (I am currently in my wine & chocolate lab researching for further influences hehe)  influence: Dance.

I admit, I am a Ballerina at heart. I have trained from a very young age and in fact got very good that it was my ticket out of Texas and to The Big Apple. Although, it would be Modern dance that eventually caught my eye, it was always the Ballet that captured my heart First. And we all know how important a First is.

The Pageantry.

The Strength.

The Drama.

The Seamed Stockings!

How could a girl not be enraptured by the lush sweep of an arabesque held gently in the air like the breathe held prisoner in my chest from pure awe in the face of Grace incarnate?

I loved how the Prima Ballerinas tutus confidently jutted out high from the hips exposing their sometimes ruffled knickers. The seams of her stockings cascading down the back of her perfectly formed muscular hamstring following to the calf all the way down to her ankle disappearing into the silk wrappings of her shoes. My impression of the ballet were women who had impeccable beauty of movement, discipline and strength in melody with the uber femininity of the costume. It was pure grit wrapped in a big flouncy bow. Lace, ribbons, stockings, corsets, tutus and pink everywhere. Every. Where.

Now, I must admit later in my life I found these precise things I’m praising to be the insufferable gender double-standard I fight. This aside, it does not stain my initial memory of what I first loved about it. The Ballet made me feel like I could be strong, feminine, competitive and expressive all at once. The gossamer fabric danced behind me as I spun and my legs cut through the air.The lace corset framed me, the tutu showed the years of technique that conducted my strong legs  and the silk wrapped shoes gave me flight to a dimension of pure intoxication. Now that I think of it, to say the Ballet influenced me is an understatement. It shaped much of the woman I am today.

thoughts? concerns? questions? write me…xo!

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